1. |
merapi sunrise
02:43
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after 35 years of wasted time
i finally know that
it’s so clear
so many decades in the darkness groping blind
the veil’s been pulled back
to reveal
darkness more complete
falls over the peak
the last climb wading through
volcanic ash
summit looms above
dawn might never come
for every step up
slide two steps back
cloud beds stretch for miles
stars pierce points of light
in the predawn glow of the sky
the sun’s a gleaming coin
a heart bursting with joy
god, please don’t make me
come back
down
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2. |
sublimation
03:14
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the street's on fire my skin beads sweat you plod on home i'm not done yet i'm mired in thoughts of where to go ediya laos nobody knows who could easily be my peers i have the music it's been years i talk i know these months my hopes are just fodder for my fears so i watch and i listen and dream deep inside i could do this in my sleep by that thought alone i'm carried into wasted years
i'm drowning
the street's on fire my skin beads sweat you plod on home i'm not done yet i talk i know these months my hopes are just fodder for my fears so i watch and i listen and dream deep inside i could do this in my sleep by that thought alone i'm carried into wasted years i'm drowned in star crossed love more drinks than i can count a traveler who wants to turn around who wishes for home but knows he's still so many miles to go
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3. |
vang vieng
04:23
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by jagged mountains lined
with silver mist
along a river deep
and wide
where drifters go
to smoke and munch
on drugs that make them
lose their minds
they slipped us something shady
we went crazy
passed out on the bathroom floor
we slipped through higher highs
and lower lows
than we had ever felt
----------
waking up with an IV in your arm
will make you reevaluate all that you do
when i was stumbling my way
through the dark
there was only one voice
that could find its way
through
can't place her face
just read her name
on a note stuck
to the door
she wished us
clearer minds
and fuller hearts
than we had ever known
but when i comb my
mind for that missing time
the brick that loosed and broke
this dam
i reemerge
with empty hands
---------------
on a tuk tuk journey
like i'm strapped to a gurney wondering
if i'll lose my life
colors bleed together
i can't hang on
my sister says
it's ok
her assurances wash over
me like a wave on
a distant shore
feel caught in the undertow
but more ready
to let go than
i have ever been
but when i comb my
mind for that missing
time the brick that loosed
and broke this dam whatever
shot me home and back
out on my own and across
the world again when i
plunge the depths
of that night we
spent unsure on which side
of life we'd land i
reemerge with empty hands
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4. |
||||
|
i read your story wrong
sought fault in my own blood
i cut my right arm off
can we turn back the clock?
threw your pearls to the swine
poured water in your wine
how could i be so blind?
all this time
we've been silent over
something i can't
and that's when
sunburst through mountain trees
pine scent on ocean breeze
what else more could we need?
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5. |
not my country
14:23
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6. |
night drive
02:37
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7. |
comes in waves
02:10
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atop our proudest hours
beneath our darkest days
along the shifting coastline
we damn and praise
comes in waves
now that the last light we left on is extinguished now that the last hope we left lingering has burned out now that the base and depraved is distinguished now that the words on our lips are plagued with doubt
cityscapes sleep behind us
wind whispers through the trees
the circumstance that binds us
it ebbs and flows
shifts in droves
where language breaches boundaries
embodies all we feel
seems nothing lasts forever
we kiss and kill
turns at will
now that the last light we left on is extinguished now that the last hope we left lingering has burned out now that the base and depraved is distinguished now that the words on our lips are plagued with doubt
the crushing weight of victory
the lightness of demise
when we defeat we're conquered
we freeze and burn
moves in turns
all of our major milestones
the arc of all our dreams
time slipping through our fingers
we love and hate
comes in waves
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8. |
a man without a name
02:30
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brother,
when i message you it's eaten by the void. every time i call out to you i'm a man without a voice. secondhand, thirdhand
brother,
i hear of your exploits, but only firsthand is true hearing. throw my ears into the void
brother,
when i lay eyes on you you're a picture in a frame. i feel cheap with no real sight of you, throw my vision on the flame
brother,
my sense of feeling dulled, my thoughts steeped in cliche, oh brother you, you were my counterpart, now i'm
yours,
a man without a name
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9. |
pulse
03:42
|
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time's moving we're stuck choosing what among these vital things we don't mind losing lop your arm off feel the blood flow convince yourself that you're still on the straight and narrow slam the gas down feel your gut drop up the speed til you feel something in your heart stop cut the line short shut the noise out however much you try to tamp it down you still can't kill the
it's right
it's wrong
it's off
it's on
it's here
now it's
before we went our separate ways before our gods each had their say before we drew dividing lines we drew our warmth from the same light as each sunset begets sunrise as every truth gives birth to lies as hellfire rains down from above as hottest hate springs forth from love
we rage we pray
we love we hate
we fuck we weep
we laugh we sleep
we're off we're on
we're here we're gone
we've run through it
now as we're wading through the deep dear god i pray our souls you keep it's not the things we left for dead it's those still writhing in my head pulsing down on the ocean floor eyeless sharp toothed hungry for more we took the steps to set this right god will this trail me all my life
we rage we pray
we love we hate
we fuck we weep
we laugh we sleep
we're off we're on
we're here we're gone
we've run through it
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10. |
brother reprise
03:17
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11. |
||||
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days weeks months
years away from this
sand trees bluffs
the breezy ocean mist
here changed gone
we've set it all adrift
savor ache move on
nothing can persist
throw out old sweaters, your half written letters, try to pretend you couldn't have loved them better, cut off half your hair, twirl in your office chair, reckon with the life for which you've settled, get drunk off your head, sleep in a strange bed, wake to find you're at home
the things that get you are always the things you don't expect to miss...
your room's in tatters, none of this matters, pragmatic concerns have always been background chatter, crash like a waterfall, flick your wrist at this all, life's not worth living lest you leave it battered, try living sober, get drunk all over, whatever keeps you afloat
days weeks months
years away from this
savor ache move on
nothing can persist
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12. |
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you provident monster, you've given me something to live for! never have i been so unafraid to die before. i hear the bells are tolling. what's the most you could take away? what's the worst you could do! beautiful monster, i'm miles ahead of you. under light-polluted skies, on the skeletons of roofs, on remote pacific peninsulas where all hell's broken loose...silly monster
i'm light years ahead of you
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eleven seventeen Austin, Texas
atx by way of boulder by way of busan by way of atx
photo credit: indy randhawa
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